Slowly Killing Me
by articcat621
Summary: It's over between them - even if she doesn't want to admit it.


Written for Sing Me a Rare Volume 3. Much love to my beta starrnobella.

Song Prompt: I Hate U I Love U - Gnash

Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one recognisable from either the HP universe nor am I making any money off this story. I also don't own any rights to the song that serves as inspiration for this fic.

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**Slowly Killing Me**

Hermione sipped at her wine, gripping the stem of her glass tightly. She watched as Blaise danced with Pansy - the two of them looked like quite the cosy couple.

She was happy for Blaise - how could she not be? But at the same time, every turn the pair made on the dancefloor broke her heart a little bit more and more.

"Hermione," Ginny said, interrupting her thoughts.

"What?" Hermione snapped before realising what she did. "Ginny, I'm sorry."

"I thought the two of you broke up."

Hermione took another sip of her wine, hoping that the liquid would numb her feelings soon. "We did break up."

"Then why are you sitting here pining over him like this?"

"Because I fucking love him," Hermione whispered, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I fucking hate him so much, and I love him at the same time." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have come tonight."

"It's a Ministry function, Hermione, you're expected to be here, as are most of us." Ginny reached over and took Hermione's hand. "You know it hurts me to see you like this."

"I'm just so confused, Ginny." She looked at her friend. "I don't want to be with him - he pisses me off the majority of the time, he can be so rude and inconsiderate, and he is always putting his work before me."

"All good reasons for breaking up," Ginny assured her.

Hermione finished her wine. "But I miss him so much. I miss him when I can't sleep at night… I miss him when I'm sitting and drinking my morning coffee. It's like no matter what I do, I can't let go. I can't move on."

"I think with time, you can," Ginny said quietly. "I know it hurts now, and I know you still love him, but the two of you just aren't going to work. You break up, and then you get back together - it's an endless cycle that needs to come to an end."

"But I love him."

"And you hate him," Ginny countered. "I know your emotions are all over the place, and I'm certainly going to hex Harry for not keeping a closer eye on you tonight. How many glasses of wine have you had?"

"Four or five," Hermione replied with a shrug. "It's not helping."

"Of course it isn't," Ginny said, shaking her head. "I'm bringing you home, hun."

"Let me just go use the loo, first." Hermione stood, swaying on her feet slightly. She could feel herself on the verge of tears once more, and she didn't want to cry in front of Ginny.

"Come right back," Ginny said. "I'll give you five minutes before I come to find you."

"Yes, Mum," Hermione teased, rubbing Ginny's baby bump as she walked by. She made her way to the loo, oblivious of what was going on around her. As she walked away, the tears began to fall.

"Hermione," someone said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

Turning, her eyes widened when she saw that it was Blaise.

"Cara, what's wrong?"

"Don't call me that," Hermione said, pulling her hand from his grip.

Blaise took a step towards her, backing her against the wall. "You've looked miserable all night, Hermione, what's going on?"

"Are you blind?" Hermione said angrily. "I… I just want…" She could smell his cologne and the comforting feeling of his presence wrapped around her like a warm blanket. "Blaise."

"What… What is it you want, Hermione?"

She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "You're killing me, Blaise."

"We were never going to work out, Hermione." Blaise cupped her cheek. "You know I love you, but I love Pansy, too."

"I know," Hermione said, her voice cracking. "But you need her… You want her more."

"That doesn't-"

"It does, Blaise," Hermione interrupted him. "I need time and space from you."

"We agreed that we'd stay friends, Hermione," Blaise said, his voice hurt. "We said we'd get through this mess together."

"I'm too attached to you," Hermione admitted. "I… I can't be around you right now, Blaise."

"But I miss you." Blaise reached out to touch her cheek.

Hermione turned away, breaking her gaze. "It doesn't change how I feel."

"How do you feel?"

"I... " Hermione wanted to say the truth, but she couldn't. "I hate you." The words fell from her lips before she could stop them. She loved him, but she hated him more.

Blaise took a step back. "You don't mean that." His eyes widened in surprise at her words.

"I do," Hermione said, shaking her head. "You don't give a damn about me, Blaise. You miss being my friend… you miss our late night fucks, but you don't miss me." The bitterness in her tone surprised her, but she couldn't stop it. "That's the difference, Blaise." She stepped away from him. "Go back to Pansy, Blaise, because we're done."

"Hermione," he began, reaching out to her.

She could feel her heartbreak once more, but she moved quickly away from Blaise. It hurt her, so much, but the fact of the matter was that Blaise didn't love her the way she loved him. He didn't want her the way that she wanted him, and for that reason, the two of them would never work.

"Ginny, I'm ready to go home."

Ginny saw Blaise over Hermione's shoulder and nodded in understanding. "I already told Harry we were leaving, so we can go."

"Perfect," Hermione said, no longer bothering to hide her tears. She allowed Ginny to lead her to the Floo section of the Atrium where they headed to Hermione's flat.

Once home, Hermione kicked off her heels and sat down on the sofa. "I fucking hate how much I need him," she sobbed, burying her face in her hands.

Sitting next to her, Ginny gently rubbed Hermione's back. "I know, sweetie. It'll be okay. I know it's not right now, but it will be."

Hermione leaned into Ginny's embrace and cried. She needed to let Blaise go… Even if it would hurt like hell in the process.

"It'll be okay," Ginny said once more. She pressed a kiss to the top of Hermione's head.

"I hate that I love him, Ginny."

"Give it time," Ginny said. "Trust me, and trust yourself." She continued to rub Hermione's back soothingly.

Hermione continued to cry, long into the night until she passed out from exhaustion in Ginny's arms.


End file.
